Not Quite Connected: Growing Up Without a Circle | Diary Entry No. 23

Welcome back to Unfiltered Diaries — where we skip the small talk and get into the real stuff. These entries come from women figuring things out, just like the rest of us. No gloss, no filters — just honest thoughts on life, love, and everything in between.

Today’s diary entry comes from Sourdaiquiri58, who shares what it feels like to navigate adulthood without the close friendships she hoped for. It’s a quiet kind of loneliness — one that’s hard to name, but easy to relate to.

Dear Diary,
“I do a lot of things alone, personally. I never made ‘outside of school’ friendships after high school as I was a commuter for college and many were just acquaintances no matter how much I felt I tried. Anyway the remaining friends I had either moved or we no longer speak. I wanna know how others deal with it.

Sometimes I get really lonely other times I just feel fine. Like if I’m busy with other stuff I usually forget how I feel. I joined clubs in college, albeit too late because I graduated really soon after. I still struggled to make actual friendships beyond in class connections.I find myself wanting to reach out to old friends and I was clinging to the idea I’d do that, only to realize they have their new lives now.

Do you have any advice or tips how you get through it?

I’m thinking of joining volunteer stuff but I get sad thinking about joining classes as I feel I didn’t do enough to make friends when I was in college.”
– Sourdaiquiri58

Hey Sourdaiquiri58

First let me just say — you’re not alone in this. So many of us go through seasons where friendships shift, fade, or don’t quite land the way we hoped. And honestly? That can sting. It feels like everyone else is moving forward with their groups, while you’re left holding old memories and wondering what’s wrong with you. But nothing’s wrong with you. Life just has a way of pulling people in different directions.

I personally believe these “alone” seasons can be really beneficial, even if they feel heavy sometimes. They give you space to get back in touch with yourself — what you enjoy, who you’re becoming, and what kind of energy you want around you moving forward. Friendships you build from that place tend to feel a lot more aligned and lasting.

It’s natural to think about old friends and even want to reach back, but here’s the thing: not every friendship is meant to be picked up again. People grow, paths split, and sometimes trying to go back only reopens wounds or leaves you chasing something that isn’t there anymore. Checking in here and there? Sure. But clinging to what was can block you from what’s ahead.

As for meeting new people — I love your idea of volunteering. That puts you in spaces with people who already care about giving and community, which is a beautiful foundation for connection. Classes and clubs can feel intimidating, but remember: you’re not “too late.” You’re just in a new season. You’d be surprised how many adults are also looking around wondering how to make friends beyond their routines.

So here’s my gentle compass for you:

✨ Embrace your alone time as something valuable, not shameful.
✨ Don’t measure today’s friendships against the ones you “should’ve” made in college. That season is over — and that’s okay.
✨ Put yourself in spaces where the people already share a little piece of what you value (volunteering, hobby classes, local groups).
✨ Try low-pressure social settings like book clubs, walking groups, or community cleanups — places where connection happens naturally over shared activity.
✨ Practice small reach-outs: comment on someone’s post, say hi to a neighbor, ask a coworker to grab coffee. It doesn’t have to be deep right away — just consistent.
✨ Journal through the loneliness when it hits. Sometimes naming the feeling helps it pass more gently.

And most importantly — trust that the connections meant for you won’t require you to chase or shrink. They’ll meet you where you are. You got this, babe. 💛

📚 Resources to explore

VolunteerMatch.org
Find local volunteer opportunities based on your interests. Great for meeting people while contributing to something meaningful.

Meetup.com
Explore local groups for hobbies, wellness, book clubs, and more. Many are designed for adults looking to make new connections.

Therapy for Black Girls
Offers a podcast, blog, and therapist directory focused on mental health and connection for Black women.

Peanut App
A social network for women to connect over shared experiences, from motherhood to mental health. You can join group chats, ask questions anonymously, or meet people nearby who are also looking for friendship and support.

💬 What about you?
Have you ever felt this kind of quiet loneliness — the kind that sneaks in when friendships fade or don’t quite form? What helped you through it, or what are you still figuring out? Drop a comment below — your story might be exactly what someone else needs to hear.

You’re not too much. You’re not alone. And healing is your birthright. 💛
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