Welcome back to Unfiltered Diaries, the space where women can speak their truth, get real, and lean into the raw moments that life throws at us. We get questions, venting, confessions, and everything in between, and today’s message hits right where it hurts — the messy side of intimacy and relationships.
It’s tough when you feel like you’re giving more than you’re getting, especially when it comes to something as personal as sex and affection. Ms. Blow Job Master (love the creativity, by the way) bravely shared her story, and we’re here to unpack it with some real talk, a little humor, and some honest advice.
Dear Diary…
How do I bring up to my partner that in a sexual way the relationship feels very one-sided? I feel like it’s all about him all the time and I’ve tried to give subtle hints but he’s not catching on to them, and I’m not good at confrontation nor do I want to start an argument.
For example, I am constantly giving him head and as a joke over text I sent a link “how to eat pussy” and he basically just ignored it. Another example is when I was giving him head at night and I said, “Oh do you want me to continue?” (trying to make it a funny thing) and said, “What do I get out of this?” and nothing…
Like we haven’t had penetrative sex in about a week, but I’ve been giving him blowjobs EVERY DAY, SOMETIMES TWICE?!? Is he even attracted to me or just using me? I honestly don’t know.
And he will mention having sex with me like “I’m gonna fuck you tonight” but he doesn’t.
Additionally, I’ve been masturbating and using my vibrator, but it’s not the same! But don’t get me wrong—when we do have sex, it’s very great. It’s just not as frequent as I need it to be, so overall it makes me feel like my sexual needs are not being met. I don’t know what to do.
– Ms Blow Job Master
Girllllll. No time for formalities, let’s get into it.
First of all—you’re not crazy. If you feel like it’s one-sided, it probably is. You’re not just out here giving head like it’s your 9–5 with zero benefits and no PTO. And the fact that you’re doing it every day (sometimes twice?!) and not even getting so much as a return favor, let alone actual sex, is wild.
It’s giving: he’s comfortable, maybe lazy, and definitely not picking up on your hints. And honestly? At this point, it’s not about hinting anymore—it’s about being real. You don’t have to be confrontational or start a fight, but you do have to say something, or you’re gonna keep building resentment.
Here’s what you can say to him:
“Hey, I love being physical with you, but I’m starting to feel a little…like I’m giving way more than I’m getting, especially sexually. I’ve been hinting at it, but I think I just need to say it straight up.”
Or if humor’s more your lane:
“So, am I your personal blowjob subscription, or do I get to cash in on my benefits at some point?”
That’s real talk. You deserve more. Don’t settle for just being the giver.
And honestly, that “I’m gonna fuck you tonight” but then nothing? That’s emotional and sexual whiplash. Like, why hype me up just to leave me hanging? It messes with your head and your body, especially when you’re already out here doing the most and getting crumbs back. Of course, you’re gonna be left wondering if he’s even into you like that—or if he just likes receiving and isn’t thinking about how you’re feeling.
And yeah, vibrators are cool, but when you’re in a relationship, you shouldn’t be left feeling like you’re doing all the work on your own, physically and emotionally. You’re not just looking for release—you’re looking for connection, desire, effort. That’s not a lot to ask.
So, sit with him when things are not heated or sexual, and say it real, but calm. Like:
“Can I just be honest with you about something that’s been sitting heavy with me? I’ve been feeling like my needs—especially sexually—aren’t really being met. I don’t need sex every day, but I do need to feel wanted and prioritized, not like it’s just about you all the time. I’ve tried joking about it or hinting, but I don’t think it’s landing.”
And if you’re scared of that convo turning into drama, you can always say:
“This isn’t about blaming or fighting—I just want to feel more connected and make sure we’re both good, not just going through the motions.”
Because right now? You’re running a one-woman show. And that’s not what intimacy should feel like.
You deserve to feel wanted, desired, and equally engaged. If he cares, he’ll step up. If he doesn’t? You’ll know. And then maybe it’s time for you to ask yourself a tough question: “Is this what I want to live with for the rest of my life?”
If you’re feeling like Ms. Blow Job Master and need a safe space to share your thoughts, confessions, or get some sisterly advice, don’t hesitate to reach out. No judgment, just honesty and love.
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