To the Friend Who Loves Deeply but Checks in Rarely—This One’s for You

Welcome to our therapy session—ha!
Because sometimes, blogging is the only way I can unpack what I’m feeling without getting distracted by dishes, deadlines, or someone needing a snack.

Let’s talk about something that’s been sitting on my heart lately.

I am not the check-in-every-day type of friend. Never have been.
Not because I don’t love you. Not because I’m too busy or don’t care.
But because… honestly, I just don’t operate that way.

I’m the friend who’s fully present when I’m with you. Who laughs with you, supports you, celebrates you, and will show up when it matters. But after we part ways I might not text you back for three days. Or I’ll start a message in my head and somehow never hit send.

It’s not because you’re forgettable. Honestly, I probably think of you often.
But that follow-up part? The “just checking in” messages? That takes more effort for me than I like to admit.
I’m realizing now that a lot of this has to do with unaddressed ADHD traits I’ve quietly carried for years. I have to set reminders in my phone just to remember to follow up. It’s not natural for me to check in daily, but that doesn’t mean you’re not on my mind. It just means that the follow-through doesn’t always happen in real time.
And I’ve come to learn—it’s not personal. It’s how my mind works. It’s the way I’m wired.

So if you’re anything like me, here’s what I want to say:
You’re not a bad friend. You’re not heartless. You’re just wired differently.
And if you’re on the other side of this dynamic, please know—when I say “Call me if you need anything,” I mean it. I will show up for you in every way that I can.

But I might not be able to show up the way you would, and that’s something I’m still learning how to communicate better.

And lately, I’ve been wondering…
Am I even “best friend material” if I’m not the stay-on-the-phone-chat-all-day kind of person?
Can I really build long-term, solid friendships when my love doesn’t always come in constant communication?

Because sometimes I find myself asking God: Lord, I give, I do, I pour—but when I need… where is everybody?
I support people like it’s second nature. I’ll repost their new ventures, recommend their skills, brag about their businesses like I’m part of their PR team.
But when the roles are reversed? Crickets.

Not even a “Hey girl, I saw your new business launch—let me share it for you real quick.”
And whew—does that hurt more than I admit out loud.

So let’s talk about it…

Are you someone who needs regular check-ins to feel connected?
Or are you more of a “we’re good even if we don’t talk every day” type?
Have you ever felt misunderstood in a friendship because of how you show up (or don’t)?
And if you’re like me—do you set reminders just to be a better friend?

Leave your thoughts in the comments—I want to hear how you navigate this.
No judgment. Just honesty, growth, and sisterhood.

Woman to woman:
Friendship isn’t always about the frequency of your messages—it’s about the depth of your presence.
Let’s give grace to our rhythms and still hold space for real connection.
Let’s keep showing up in love, even if it doesn’t look “standard.”
And let’s not ignore the ways we need to feel loved back, too.

We’re all learning. We’re all growing. One unread message and rescheduled catch-up at a time.

And while I’ve got you here:
Check out my gift store and get yourself (or a friend) something thoughtful and beautiful:
JD Luxe Creations — shameless plug, but worth it!