What I’d Tell My Daughter (and Myself) | Diary Entry No.29

Welcome back to Unfiltered Diaries.
There’s something tender and terrifying about raising a teenage girl. One minute she’s asking for advice, the next she’s rolling her eyes because you gave it. But when she still talks to you—really talks to you—you know you’re doing something right.

Today’s diary entry comes from a mom who’s doing just that. Her daughter just turned 15, she’s navigating first boyfriends and big feelings, and her parents are wondering: how do we guide her without gripping too tight? How do we help her become her best self without getting in the way?

It’s the kind of question that makes you pause. So I did. And here’s what I’d tell her—what I’d tell my own daughter, my younger self, and honestly… what I still need to hear at almost 30.

Dear Diary,
My daughter is 15 today. What words of advice would you give a young woman in today’s world?
She is smart and so very easy going. I’m very open and honest about the world but always remind her that even my viewpoint might be wrong or skewed so she needs to develop her own beliefs etc. She knows we will always be there to help her do her best and that there is nothing in this planet that she could do that will ever change how we feel about her. She’s got a new boyfriend and just had her first snog and has quite a nice bunch of friends. Cmon, how else can I help steer her to become the best version of her…or maybe I should back off? What’s a mum (and dad) to do? I’ve only got one chance at this.
– mamacanary

First of all, it sounds like you’re doing amazing. The fact that she confides in you like that? Beyond A1. That’s not just parenting, that’s relationship-building. That’s trust.

Just support her. Tell her you’ll have her back no matter what. Respect her boundaries, but let her know you’re always there. She’ll have to make her own mistakes—sometimes it’s the only way we learn and grow—but having a solid support system to fall back on? That’s everything.

She might have a different idea of what a great life looks like, and that’s okay. She’ll always appreciate having her mom as her best friend and cheerleader. And when she’s older, she’ll remember the safety of being seen and heard without judgment.

My daughter’s still a toddler, but let’s see… these are things I’d tell her. Advise I wish someone would have given me. Advise I should be following still at almost 30. Ha. Here are my top 10:

Never make major life decisions based on your feelings for a man. You’re in love, but he moved to Spain? Please don’t quit your job or quit school and pack up everything on a whim to follow that man. Let that decision breathe, mama. Sleep on it.
Learn about finances. And I mean the simple stuff—how to save, how to budget, what APR means, how credit works. Financial literacy is freedom.
Don’t co-sign anything for anyone. Not a car, not a laptop, not an apartment. Don’t put anything on your credit card or take out a loan for someone else, even if they triple promise to pay you back. If their credit wasn’t good enough for the bank, it’s not good enough for you.
You can always change your mind. Leave the date. Leave the bedroom half-naked. Skip the party. Change majors. Break up with the “one.” Move across the country (okay, slightly contradictory to the Spain thing, but you get it). You are the boss of you. Your body. Your mind. Your heart. All you.
You can say no at any time—and that’s a complete sentence. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. NO IS NO! Period.
Don’t center your entire life around anyone else. Be your own person first. Then find someone who loves that person and compliments it—not takes it over.
Always be aware of your surroundings. Don’t walk around with headphones blasting and no clue what’s going on. Let someone know where you are, especially if you’re going somewhere new or late. Stay alert. Stay safe.
Take that mental health day. Feeling overwhelmed? Take the day. Your mental health matters more than anyone else’s expectations.
Date yourself. Take “me” days. Get to know you. Enjoy being with you. Be okay with being alone and finding happiness within. That’s my biggest struggle, and I wish someone taught me that young.
Protect your joy. Not everything or everyone deserves access to your energy. If something drains you, makes you shrink, or constantly leaves you second-guessing yourself—it’s okay to step back. You don’t have to explain your peacekeeping to anyone. Learn what makes you feel good in your own skin, and guard that like it’s sacred. Because it is. Your joy is not a reward for perfection—it’s your birthright.

There’s no perfect formula for raising a daughter. No script. No cheat code. Just love, presence, and a whole lot of listening. She’ll stumble. She’ll soar. She’ll surprise you. And through it all, she’ll remember the way you showed up—not just with rules, but with grace.

So keep cheering her on. Keep giving her space. Keep reminding her that she’s allowed to grow, change, and come back to herself again and again.

And if you’re ever unsure, just ask yourself: “Am I helping her feel safe enough to become who she really is?” If the answer’s yes, you’re already doing it right.

💌 “Ever had a moment where you felt truly seen—body and all? Drop it in the comments. Let’s remind each other what real connection looks like.”

You’re not too much. You’re not alone. And healing is your birthright. 💛
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