Sometimes the smallest things a partner does can quietly reveal a lot about the relationship. I was scrolling through Reddit the other day and came across a thread: “What are some small behaviors from a partner that are actually red flags?” The responses were eye-opening, and they got me thinking about my own experiences.
Here are some that really stood out, along with my own reflections:
Red Flag: Reacting with Anger Instead of Problem-Solving
A little frustration is normal—flat tires, traffic, unexpected bills—but long-term, do you want a partner who explodes at setbacks or someone who calmly works through challenges with you?
Early in my relationship with my now-husband, I raised my voice during an argument. He calmly said,
“I know you’re angry, but we don’t speak to each other like that.”
That moment taught me anger doesn’t have to be destructive. You can be upset and express it without being disrespectful. Later, when I forgot my ID on the way to something important, he simply said,
“It happens.”
This steady, solution-focused approach turns tension into trust rather than conflict. Calmness and respect matter—they’re signs of a partner who handles challenges with maturity instead of letting frustration dictate how they treat you.
Red Flag: Lack of curiosity about you.
Moving from emotional stability, another subtle warning sign is a lack of curiosity. If someone isn’t genuinely interested in you—your thoughts, feelings, or quirks—it’s a big deal.
Couple years back I was in a situationship hahaha… At first, it felt like he wanted to spend time with me. But something felt off, I rationalized: “Maybe he’s just quiet,” or “Maybe he’ll open up later.” But over time, patterns emerge. I realized I was his free-time pass. He never asked about me, my dreams, my day, or even my favorite color. And when he did ask, it felt obligatory, bored, like he was going through the motions.
It hurt, not just because of what I was missing, but because it reflected the way I was allowing myself to be treated. The loneliness I felt wasn’t about him being “mean” or cruel—it was about absence of care, absence of curiosity, absence of genuine investment.
Later, I heard him talking with a friend, asking meaningful questions, genuinely engaging in their inner world. That’s when it hit me: the curiosity I longed for wasn’t about “being needy” or “asking too much.” Real connection is in the curiosity, the follow-up, the attentiveness, the care.
It’s not just about knowing what your partner does—it’s about them wanting to know you. How they remember details, how they check in, how they celebrate your little wins. That’s a red flag that’s easy to miss at first—but over time, it tells the truth about whether someone is capable of deeper, reciprocal love.
Red Flag: Constantly talking negatively about exes.
From emotional disinterest, let’s move to emotional baggage. One ex? Fine. Several? Fine. Everyone has a past. But if your partner constantly talks negatively about their exes, it’s a red flag. It shows a lack of emotional maturity and a tendency to project old issues onto the present.
I always catch myself wondering—what would he say about me if I became his ex?
Respectfully managing past relationships is crucial. A healthy partner can acknowledge their history without dragging it into your present. They don’t gossip, they don’t compare, and they certainly don’t use their ex as an excuse for poor behavior or lack of accountability.
If someone can’t separate the past from the present, or if they hold grudges that seep into your relationship, it’s a warning sign. Their inability to deal with their history responsibly could create unnecessary drama and tension in your life.
Remember: one shitty ex is one thing. But if your partner’s words about them are constant, bitter, or disrespectful, it’s worth paying attention. It’s not about judging their past—it’s about protecting your present and future.
Red Flag: Everyone in their life is “the problem,” they are always the victim.
A partner who constantly paints everyone else as “the problem” is a red flag. If they always cast themselves as the victim, it’s not just frustrating—it’s a warning sign of emotional immaturity and a lack of accountability.
At first, it might seem harmless or even relatable. “Yeah, my boss is tough,” or “My family doesn’t understand me.” But when every story, every conflict, every challenge is someone else’s fault, it reveals a pattern: they rarely reflect on their own role, they rarely take responsibility, and they rarely approach problems with solutions in mind.
Relationships are partnerships, not blame games. If your partner consistently deflects responsibility, it becomes exhausting and emotionally draining. It’s hard to grow together when one person refuses to see their own impact or contribution.
A healthy partner can share frustrations without making you carry the weight of their anger or resentment. They acknowledge challenges, take ownership, and seek solutions instead of rehearsing grievances.
Remember: empathy is different from enabling a victim mindset. Someone who refuses to own their part in conflicts, even small ones, signals a pattern that could affect your relationship long-term.
Red Flag: Saying “Just Kidding” After Every Mean Comment
This one might seem small at first, but it’s deceptively harmful. A partner who consistently says, “just kidding” after a hurtful comment is testing boundaries, normalizing disrespect, and avoiding accountability.
The pattern usually goes like this: they say something cutting or belittling, you react, and they brush it off with, “I was just joking.” Over time, it erodes your self-esteem and blurs the line between humor and emotional manipulation.
Healthy partners understand the difference between playful teasing and comments that sting. They don’t use “jokes” as a shield for unkind words or to avoid responsibility. They check in if something they say hurts you, even unintentionally.
Pay attention to how often this happens. If the mean comments are frequent and excuses like “I was just kidding” are standard, it’s a sign of a lack of respect—and that’s never small.
Red Flag: Enabling Friends to Cheat on Their Wives
A partner’s values often reveal themselves through the company they keep and the choices they make. If someone is okay with their friends cheating—or worse, actively helping them hide it—that’s a major red flag.
This behavior shows a disregard for honesty, integrity, and respect in relationships. It signals that boundaries, commitment, and accountability aren’t priorities. If your partner tolerates or supports this kind of behavior, ask yourself: would they treat your relationship with the respect it deserves?
As rapper and entrepreneur David Banner stated,
His stance underscores the importance of integrity in both personal and professional relationships.
A person who participates in or enables betrayal may struggle with empathy, responsibility, and loyalty. And if that mindset extends to friendships, it’s worth considering how it might show up in your relationship.
Trust, respect, and ethical behavior aren’t negotiable—they’re foundational. Don’t ignore warning signs that indicate your partner may normalize or even encourage dishonesty.
💌 Woman to Woman
The truth is, red flags often appear in small, everyday moments. And the subtle ones? They can hurt more than the obvious ones because we rationalize them away.
The good news? Once you recognize these patterns, you can make clearer choices about who deserves your time, energy, and heart.
Sometimes, the hardest part is trusting your instincts over excuses, rationalizations, or societal “norms” about relationships. And that trust? That’s where your power lies.
The Luxe Edit 
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