Marriage Counseling or Delay Tactic? I Can’t Tell Anymore

Welcome back to Unfiltered Diaries—where the truth isn’t sugarcoated, and the feelings don’t need a filter.

This is the space where we get to say the things we usually whisper—or don’t say at all. The messy parts, the honest questions, the quiet doubts… they all live here.

Today’s entry comes from someone standing at the edge of maybe—maybe this will work, maybe it’s already over. Maybe she’s holding on. Maybe she’s finally ready to let go.

Let’s get into it.

Dear diary…

“So my husband has agreed to do couples counseling to get through everything and figure out if we are getting divorce or staying together and making things better. i don’t know how i feel right now because this has been a long path of short good and long bads, i dont know whether he is agreeing whole heartedly or if he is just wasting time to be able to stay together longer. Ugh this is all so complicated and confusing. “
-notmentallythere

Whew. First of all—deep breath. If you’re here, if you’re walking into counseling with your partner after everything… that’s already a brave step. But let’s also be real: bravery doesn’t always come with certainty. Sometimes it just shows up tired and confused, whispering, “Let’s just try one more thing.”

You said something in your note that struck me: you don’t know if he’s agreeing whole-heartedly, or just buying time.
Sis… that’s your intuition speaking.

And here’s the thing: a woman’s intuition is rarely wrong.
It doesn’t scream. It hums. It nudges. It picks up on the energy behind the words, the silence behind the gestures, the weight behind the small changes. It knows when love is present… and when presence is just performance.

So let’s not ignore that small voice inside you that’s saying, “I’m not sure.”
It’s not always fear. Sometimes it’s wisdom. Sometimes it’s grief trying to prepare you for a reality your heart hasn’t caught up to yet.

But here’s the beauty in this mess: counseling isn’t just a path toward saving a marriage.
It’s a path toward clarity.

Toward honesty.

Toward saying things out loud that you’ve been swallowing for years.

Even if it doesn’t “fix” things, it might finally name them. And naming is powerful. Naming is healing.

“Healing starts with honesty—even if the first truth is: I’m confused, but I’m still here.”

And while you’re doing the work together, keep doing the work with yourself. Ask yourself:

Do I feel safe, seen, and supported in this relationship?
Do I still know who I am when I’m with him?
Am I holding onto love, or just holding onto history?
If nothing ever changed… could I live like this another year?

Sometimes, the hardest truth is this: choosing to leave isn’t giving up—it’s choosing you.
And choosing to stay? That better be a choice for something—not just out of fear, habit, or hope that doesn’t come with action.

Wherever this road takes you—divorce or reconciliation—you will be okay. Scratch that. You will be better than okay. Because you’re waking up to your own needs. You’re finally asking the questions you avoided for too long. And that’s where real healing begins.

🧠 Have you ever had to choose between holding on and letting go? How did you know which was right for you? Comment below—I want to hear your story too.

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