Choosing Abstinence After Trauma-When All You’ve Known Is Sex

Welcome back to Unfiltered Diaries, the rawest room in the house. Here’s where we speak our truth—messy, honest, and sacred.

Today’s diary entry touches something deep: the journey from sexual trauma to spiritual healing, and the courageous choice to reclaim your body, mind, and spirit. This one is for anyone who’s ever felt like love and lust were the same thing—and is finally ready to unlearn that lie.

Dear Diary,
For anyone that is abstinent, how do you start that journey when all you know is sex? I was molested at a young age and I always looked at sex as a way for someone to love you. Now that I’m an adult I have grown out of that but lust is an issue I struggle with. I want to fully commit to God and make that decision but I’m struggling with how. I don’t want to keep falling short and messing up.
– Anonymous

First off, I want to say: I am so sorry that happened to you. No child should ever have their innocence stolen. No one should have to carry that pain. But here you are—still standing, still trying, still growing. And that, in itself, is a miracle.

You are not broken. You are not dirty. You are not beyond redemption. What you’re feeling is real, and your desire to reclaim your story is powerful. The fact that you’re even thinking about abstinence, about committing yourself to God, tells me everything I need to know: you are walking in courage.

Sex holds deep spiritual and emotional power. Whether we admit it or not, we give parts of ourselves away when we engage with someone intimately. And when we’ve been conditioned to see sex as love—or the only currency for affection—it becomes even harder to separate that craving from what our soul actually needs: safety, connection, truth, peace.

This journey you’re stepping into? It’s not about perfection. It’s about transformation. Even if you’re not practicing full abstinence right away, just becoming more mindful, selective, and spiritually in tune with who deserves access to you—that is a major shift. That is healing in motion.

I’m so proud of you. This kind of self-discipline and reflection is not for the weak. And you’re not alone. Even the Bible shows us stories of people who messed up, turned back, fell again, and still found God’s grace waiting.

Here are a few scriptures to carry with you when the struggle feels too heavy:

Romans 12:2 – “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
Your desires don’t define you—your renewal does.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 – “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit… You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”
Your body is sacred. And you’re not just honoring God when you protect it—you’re honoring yourself.

Proverbs 4:25-27 – “Let your eyes look straight ahead… Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways.”
One day, one choice at a time. Be gentle with yourself, but keep walking forward.

Psalm 73:26 – “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
You don’t have to do this alone. Your strength doesn’t have to come from you. Let God carry what feels too heavy.

Every time you say “no” to something that once felt like love but left you empty, you’re saying “yes” to healing.
Every time you choose yourself, your peace, your future—you’re rewriting the story.

And if you stumble? If you fall? That doesn’t cancel your journey. That doesn’t mean you’re not serious. It means you’re human. Just get back up, recommit, and keep choosing you.

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