Welcome back to Unfiltered Diaries, the rawest room in the house. Here’s where we speak our truth—messy, honest, and sacred.
Some diary entries hit close to home—not because the situation is black and white, but because it lives in the complicated grey. This week’s letter speaks to the very real and often unspoken tug-of-war between past and present love. If you’ve ever felt torn between “what is” and “what was,” keep reading.
Dear Diary,
I’m in a relationship with someone amazing—kind, beautiful, and good for me. I love them. But part of me still loves my ex. We went through something awful that wasn’t either of our faults, and though we ended things for a reason, I can’t stop wondering if our story was meant to continue somehow.
It’s not that I want to leave or hurt anyone—it’s just that I haven’t fully let go. I feel stuck between what I have and what I lost, and I don’t know what to do with that.
– Lovetwisted
Whew Lovetwisted… I’m not even gonna lie, this is real. These feelings are layered, and I can feel that you’re not trying to play games or be careless with anyone’s heart. But—and this might sting a little—we do have to talk about the reality of what you’re holding onto.
See, when we’re in something good but still haunted by what we lost, it often means we haven’t fully grieved. It’s not just about love—it’s about unfinished emotional business. That “what if” you’re holding onto might not be about the ex themself, but about the version of you that existed with them, or the part of the story that didn’t get closure.
But let’s be honest… Can you really be fully present with someone new while emotionally tethered to someone old?
I don’t want to sound like the judgmental friend—but sis, how can you truly love this new person if part of you is still looking over your shoulder? Don’t they deserve someone who’s all in… someone who sees them as the “what if,” the “what now,” and the “what’s next”?
And maybe you need to explore those lingering feelings with your ex—not to rekindle, necessarily—but to release. To name them, feel them, sit with them, and then ask: is this real love or just a longing for what once was?
Because if you stay in this new relationship while emotionally divided, you’re risking building a foundation on shaky ground. And it’s not just unfair to them—it’s unfair to you. You deserve clarity. So do they.
If this new person is as kind and beautiful as you say, they’ll want (and need) all of you. Don’t wait until they’re too in love to walk away without being broken.
Closure is a gift. Sometimes that means making peace with the past. Sometimes it means letting go of a good thing in the present for something your soul still hasn’t finished unpacking. Either way, give yourself the honesty you’re craving—and the permission to do something about it.
So here’s the real question, sis:
Are you in love with your ex, or in love with the memory of who you were with them?
Do you miss them, or do you miss feeling understood in a way you haven’t quite felt since?
Take a minute. Write it out. Say it out loud. Sit with it, even if it makes you squirm. Healing isn’t always elegant—it’s messy, complicated, and sometimes comes with ugly crying and a pint of ice cream. (No shame in that.)
But above all, be honest with yourself. Don’t stay halfway in something good just because you’re scared of breaking something. You deserve a love that you’re not still measuring against the past.
You’ve got this. Clarity comes when you stop running from the question and finally sit with the answer.
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